Finally Live

Here I am – finally live and active!  Definitely an appropriate first blog post.  

Tears flooded my eyes when I turned the website “on” and was no longer behind “under construction”.  More tears fill my eyes now as I type this first post.

This process was years in the making.  What I mean by that is I’ve had a life-long dream to write.  I dreamed about writing a book, but didn’t feel that was the direction I needed to go yet nor did I think I was ready for the task.  Things got rerouted to contemplating a blog.  A thought and dream in motion for the last 5 years or so.   

Why so much time spent in the making?  

Sometimes big dreams have humble and slow beginnings.

The things I hurdled and are continuing to grow through are the very items listed on my home page, which was part of this process getting me ready.

I didn’t want to rush the process and create a blog just for the sake of having a blog.

I was afraid.  I overthought pretty much everything.

I wanted to give time to its vision: What I wanted to portray, its look and feel, its topics, its purpose, its design, the details.  I wanted to make it personal and reflect me.

I wanted to invest time to understand and learn about blogging knowing it will be an ongoing process.

I wanted to evaluate my motives. Honestly, I didn’t want this blog to exist for the mere purpose of likes and attention. I care deeply about this aspect, which slowed the process down and almost prevented me to go live in the first place.

I believed giving it time would allow support and prayer to come from others; allow God to prepare my heart and mind; and further growth and maturity – all of which necessary to getting me to a place where I would be ready, when I was ready. Not arrival or perfection. But timing.

It took a lot of preparation and time behind the scenes to build this blog.  There is MUCH on the backend producing what is seen on the frontend. I have learned a lot but still have much to learn. And that’s okay.

Within the last month or so, feelings and thoughts became very strong to stop putting it off, dragging my feet, rationalizing, overthinking, holding myself back… But act. So my goal was to go live this weekend.  So here I am.

How do I feel?

It’s extremely rewarding, even if I do nothing else after this point.  It strengthened me.  It’s still scary when you put yourself out there for the world with plenty of unknowns. I’m grateful for God’s hand in the details and for how He created me.  I’m thankful for where I came from, where I am, and where I am going.

I appreciate this process and my supportive network.  The prayers and support from you all made a difference.  The encouraging words along the way and believing in me matters.  Taking an interest in my life and goals contributed to this dream coming true.  That is a priceless, intangible, and what-really-matters kinda gift.  So thank you.  Such sidebar things are purposeful.  

It’s crazy exciting seeing something as simple as the secured lock as part of your website address.  It is very cool working through some very big technical stuff proving some things to my non-technical self. 

It’s a wonderful feeling being proud of this both fun and hard process.  I’ve learned to appreciate the details, but not get lost in them as there’s no one perfect way to do this.  Pursuing a dream and being able to tell myself 30 years from now “I did it” is pretty spectacular. 

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